You were right...

I hold my breath at the viewing of my previous moods, selves, notions, and consistencies. It's a funny little thing! Ha! For the life of me, I couldn't really remember when I started my journal and why I had begun writing in it - or more importantly, how I continued! It has always been hard for me to do things like keep a journal, but I suppose it was just easier keeping an electronic one, namely LJ or Blogspot. So, with these previous notions and motivations escaping me, I went back into my journal, looking through, into last April. How ironic, that on the day I can no longer remember why I started writing in the journal, be the anniversary of its creation! The first of April! And how ironic my life has been in the past few weeks. So many things have made me say so! And how ironic that things should be ironic and noticeable that way!
It's so sad! So very sad! To the depths of my heart and my soul! That ominous sadness that is so sad that it is beautiful; perhaps because it filled with so much emotion and depth. Such sadness!! I can no longer believe that it is sadness! Life can be so simple! So pure and clean!! And then so stoic and dead!! Why!? How!? I think I can understand now why, a year ago, to this day, I started a journal! Even if I lied to myself and to others through it, I would be able to tell, and I would know the true feelings I was experiencing. That is the reason! That is why my heart screamed out for writing and typing! That is why I loved and hated and despised and wanted and felt and admired and believed that I would one day have that! THAT! THAT! That complete and utter happiness! That wonderful, blissful, clean and simple happiness that has inspired names, dreams, songs, stories and poetry!
You were right Jess, you were right all along... It didn't need to be evident sometimes. I just needed to be it and feel it! You are wise beyond your years!