Seppuku soshite Harakiri

Today will be a long day. But pleasant, I hope. I'd like to go outside and enjoy the sun but recently I have been feeling lethargic, and oddly enough in the summer season. It is strange. Also, I would want to get out today of all days and see the grass and strawberries, listen to the cicadas and crickets, feel the breeze and taste the earth carried on it. Tomorrow I - No, I'd rather not say anything about it. Being free from responsibility is blissful, but being free from responsibility also leaves you not a whole person.

The days in August, in Bella Augusta, are often fleeting and whimsical. This August has proved wayward to that consistency. She has dragged on, reluctantly trudging her feet through time. With this, she has given me a greater sense of tranquility and relaxation, but has also withered my eggplants. This morbid balance seems to always emerge in ways not needed. "An eye for an eye," some tend to say, but those who hide behind that adage often hide behind an endless cycle of violence.

So with things I won't name starting tomorrow, I suppose its another step in my life. Actually, I don't know why I said that because I really don't appreciate it when people say things like, "Ugh... life." or "God, my life has been so ____." because one's life is so grand and broad and will encompass one's entire lifespan. So, why put things that way? It's almost forsaking one's own existence.

I killed a Fairy

Recently I've felt as if I am heading for the dragon's mouth or the bottom of the cliff or the end of my rope. Yet in this ominous premonition, I can't stop myself from sliding into the nameless, bottomless, seamless fissure in the earth. Not as if it was my fate; like Hades was dragging my putrid soul to the depths of the underworld. Oh no. I feel all but in control of letting haphazard and small, innocuous actions ensue. Yet I can feel it all piling up on me, beginning to push back, and eventually crush me. I don't want this!

It all seems appealing in my happiest and carefree mindset, but I am not always kicking stones and grazing fences with sticks. My adolescence is not a smooth transition from childhood to adulthood. I can understand a rough one, but I am confusing what is and what isn't. Happiness is momentary, and then later the most dark and distant memory. Yesterday and Tomorrow feel like years and years in both directions, yet I wait for them like they are hay-minutes.

I hate how people use the world happy so freely...