Recently I've felt as if I am heading for the dragon's mouth or the bottom of the cliff or the end of my rope. Yet in this ominous premonition, I can't stop myself from sliding into the nameless, bottomless, seamless fissure in the earth. Not as if it was my fate; like Hades was dragging my putrid soul to the depths of the underworld. Oh no. I feel all but in control of letting haphazard and small, innocuous actions ensue. Yet I can feel it all piling up on me, beginning to push back, and eventually crush me. I don't want this!
It all seems appealing in my happiest and carefree mindset, but I am not always kicking stones and grazing fences with sticks. My adolescence is not a smooth transition from childhood to adulthood. I can understand a rough one, but I am confusing what is and what isn't. Happiness is momentary, and then later the most dark and distant memory. Yesterday and Tomorrow feel like years and years in both directions, yet I wait for them like they are hay-minutes.
I hate how people use the world happy so freely...
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